Deer hunting, potted meat and more Letters to the Outdoor Writer!

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I was interrupted during an intense work session in my office by a loud banging on the door. I leaped toward the door, wiped the sleep from my eyes and swept the door open. Cedric, our beleaguered intern at the office, eyed me suspiciously.

“Busy, Mr. Case? And before you say anything about me just being an intern, remember I was promoted to administrative assistant last month,” Cedric said.

No, I thought to myself, I don’t remember that. It was probably in an email I didn’t read.

Having quickly gained the high ground, Cedric continued, “The editors wanted me to tell you to do another installment of Letters to the Outdoor Writer.”

I brightened, “Probably got a lot of letters requesting that right?” Cedric gave me a look as if addressing a small child. “Umm, no, we don’t get any letters, and before you ask, we don’t have a mail bag.”

I gave him a look of disbelief and figured he was still mad about the time I asked him to address several hundred envelopes going to deer hunters asking if they had ever seen a mountain lion while hunting. He seemed to hold on to that grudge.

Well, I had some letters and emails squirreled away from loyal (?) readers that I hadn’t told Cedric about. So, I am happy to bring you another episode of “Letters to the Outdoor Writer.”

Dear Outdoor Writer, I am a new hunter and I want very much to learn about deer hunting and how to be successful. I listen to the guys at work who seem to be big deer hunters and they brag about all the big bucks they take, but I can never tell if they are being truthful or putting me on. One of them tells me to only hunt during the full moon phase and another actually told me to urinate in deer scrapes around my stand and the only time to be in my stand is the last hour before dark. How do know what to believe? Confused in Chattanooga, Tennessee.

Dear Confused. We live in a time when it is hard to know what to believe about anything. Deer hunters may sometimes (almost always) stretch the truth about various hunting tactics. The moon phase question is argued almost as much as what the best caliber for whitetail deer is. Now that I think about it, deer hunters are probably third in line when it comes to fibbing about hunting, coming in behind fishermen in first and turkey hunters second.

The best time to go hunting is when you can. Don’t worry about time of day, the moon, what a wooly worm says, or which way the wind is blowing. Dress warm, take plenty of deer stand snacks (crackers, cheese, potted meat, sardines and Little Debbie Cakes) and go enjoy the day. Believe it or not taking a leak around your stand will probably not hurt a thing, may even attract an old buck. (On the snacks list back there I forgot to add Vienna Sausages and Beanee Weenees).

Dear Outdoor Writer in the paper, I read in your column one time that you said your dogs were talking to you. Is this true or do you drink a lot? Suspicious in Erie, Pennsylvania.

Dear Suspicious, What would you define as “a lot”?

OK, I could have left it there, but I have said many time that my dogs do actually talk to me. For that matter, my dogs could talk to me, and I could drink a lot, but in truth these days drinking is probably like many things, I talk about it a lot more than do it.

Dear guy in the paper that seems to think he knows everything about guns and hunting, If you are so smart why don’t you write more about all the really cool new rifle calibers like the 6.5 PRC, the 6.8 Western, the 6.5 BC, and the 27 Nosler? Agitated in Bluefield, West Virginia.

Dear Agi, If you have followed my columns (doubtful) you know that I have said writing in depth about rifle caliber issues usually requires a lot of math which is something I am inherently afraid of. Shotgun topics are much more forgiving (usually). If you look you will see however, that I have recently addressed new rifle and caliber topics such as what Weatherby is doing in their new home in Sheridan Wyoming. I suggest you read more and don’t play so many video games.

Dear Outdoor Writer guy who uses questionable grammar, Is it true that you are trying to get sponsorships with Armour Potted Meat and Little Debbie Cakes? Hungry in Ellijay, Georgia.

Dear Hungry, Yes, but so far, no luck.

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