Woof. Malachai’s the name and hunting African lions is the game. Woof.

Hi, everybody out there in newspaper land, it’s me again, Malachai. Christian said I could write his column this week, because I really have some important stuff to say. So gather your friends around the newspaper and read along. Woof.

I hear there may be a big giant kitty cat somewhere on the prowl in Greenbrier County. I mean a big one, too. Christian called it an African lion, but it’s still just a big kitty cat to me. Woof.

Everybody’s talking about the lion. This is the biggest news that’s come out of Greenbrier County since people started bathing in mineral water at that famous resort hotel in White Sulphur Springs. Really, I’m not kidding. Woof.

Well, I’m here to tell you that I’m a qualified big cat hunter and I aim to catch this big kitty cat all on my lonesome. Woof. I have years of chasing and cat-catching experience under my collar. Just ask anybody. I am famous in over 10 counties for my cat chasing abilities. Woof.

In case you don’t believe me, I have included a photo of a big cat that I captured just last summer. Not only did I catch this wild, fierce animal — don’t show this picture to small children, it may frighten them — but I tamed it and now it’s one of Christian’s pets. We call it “Cat.” Woof. How’s that for some proof?

Now obviously this lion is lost and I bet he’s pretty lonely out there in the woods with nothing but the deer to keep him company. He’s probably a little scared, too. I remember once Christian took me out to the woods and I made a wrong turn at an oak tree. It took nearly 15 minutes to find Christian. That was a little scary. Woof.

This big kitty cat is probably not from around here, but that’s fine with me. I get along with everybody that I meet. Woof. I won’t need any fancy stuff to capture the big cat, either. All I need is to talk to him for a few minutes. Woof.

I will explain to him that everybody in Greenbrier County is real friendly and we don’t mean him any harm. As a token of my affection, I will bring him two gallons of milk. I bet that will really make him purr loud. Woof.

After I make friends with the lion, I will ask him to follow me back to Christian’s house. He can live with me and Christian and Cat. In order to not confuse the two cats, I will just call him “Big Cat.” Big Cat will like it at Christian’s. I will tell Christian to buy a couple of cases of cat food and we will throw a welcoming party for him. Woof.

Once I capture Big Cat, I figure my fame will spread pretty quickly. I could possibly become the most famous dog ever to come out of Greenbrier County, if I haven’t already done that. Woof.

Well, I better head off to Cold Knob Mountain now and start searching for Big Cat. It won’t take long to find him. All I have to do is say “here kitty, kitty” and he will probably run right to me. This should be fairly easy.

If you are out hunting Big Cat, too, and run into me, please just let me do my job. I won’t have time to stop for any autographs. Until next time, this is Malachai, the big game hunter, signing off. Carpe Woof, everybody.

— Christian Giggenbach’s faithful dog Malachai was born in Greenbrier County and loves cats.

E-mail: cgiggenbach@register-herald.com

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