The Register-Herald, Beckley, West Virginia

Local News

February 14, 2013

Experts: Spend time, not money this V-Day

— Roses, bears and chocolates hover near cash registers and check-out lines in nearly every store and gas station, allowing forgetful partners on their way home from work a last ditch effort to throw a few bucks at Valentine’s Day.

But beyond the lace trim, truffle-filled, red shrink-wrapped goodies, area marriage counselors say Valentine’s Day can offer the chance for valentines to truly connect without spending money blindly on trinkets and trophies.

The key is to first understand the difference between what men and women need in relationships, said Terry Lusher, counselor at Encouraging Words Counseling in Lewisburg.

He explained that women need to feel loved, understood and secure.

“A woman want to feel attractive, desirable and like her man really gets her and really listens,” he said.

“One of the biggest things women tell me is that they want to feel understood and accepted. They don’t want men to throw gifts, money or sex at them. On Valentine’s Day, if a man comes home with roses but has not been meeting her needs the rest of the year, those roses may get thrown at him,” he said.

Men are on another page completely, he explained. Their top need in a relationship is feeling respected.

He explained women can go a long way to meet their partners’ needs by beginning to tell them they respect their partner more so than verbally only expressing their love.

“You can ask a woman, instead of saying ‘Honey, I love you’ to say, ‘I really respect you,’ and see a completely different reaction from a man,” Lusher noted.

A great Valentine gift for a man could be something that allows him to pursue his passions or interests, like holding down the home and letting him have that weekend fishing trip.

Likewise, women value having face time and time to talk with their mate. A romantic evening could even start by meeting at a coffee shop for a chat or taking a scenic drive together.

Hamlet Smith, counselor with Life Strategies in Beckley and Fayette, also stressed that Valentine’s Day can be a key time to put away the wallet and meet your partner’s needs with things money can’t buy.

First and foremost, he stressed the importance of showing gratitude in a relationship.

“Start your day by telling your partner what you do appreciate about them. It’s easy and cheap,” he said. “Sincere praise can be one of the quickest ways to get to your partner’s heart. I understand there are issues that frustrate you about your special someone, but use this day to reinforce what’s right in your friend.”

He also stressed that really putting thought into a gift is more important than its cost.

“Some of my best Valentine gifts have been purchased from the dollar store. Take the time to highlight something in your romantic history or think a character quality of your special someone and accentuate it with a simple gift,” he suggests.

We live in a stressful and busy world. Smith’s tips give options to create a happy Valentine’s Day by staying in and watching a movie together or cooking a homemade meal together.

“Nothing says ‘I love you’ like time spent together. Push your responsibilities back and give the gift of time.”

And regardless of what your mate conjures up for the big date tonight, accept their attempts to connect, he said.

“Maybe you’re not married to Don Juan. Don’t expect an overnight transformation into a Fabio-inspired love story. The fact that they tried is good enough,” Smith concluded.

Encouraging Words Inc. can be reached by phone at 304-645-5355 or 304-256-0095. More information about Terry Lusher and his counseling center is available online at www.encouragingwordswv.com.

Life Strategies Counseling Services Inc. and Hamlet Smith can be reached via phone at 304-252-7526 or online at www.lifestrat.com.

— E-mail: splummer@register-herald.com

Text Only
Local News
  • Human remains found near White Sulphur Springs

    Law enforcement officials are investigating human remains discovered by a local resident near White Sulphur Springs on Friday afternoon, according to Greenbrier County Sheriff Jan Cahill.

    April 20, 2014

  • knine Beckley officer and K-9 partner Ciro win award from WVPCA

    They say every dog has his day, but a local pooch and his handler have had about 365 days of success.
    Cpl. Jamie Blume of the Beckley Police Department and his K-9 partner Ciro have won the 2013-2014 Officer and K-9 of the Year award from the WVPCA, according to a press release from the Beckley Police Department.

    April 20, 2014 1 Photo

  • Shooting at Quality Inn injures one

    A shooting took place at the Quality Inn in Beckley on Friday night, according to Raleigh County dispatchers.

    April 20, 2014

  • Area 911 dispatchers report several fires

    Fire departments from all over Raleigh County and its surrounding areas dealt with fires Friday night, according to dispatchers.

    April 20, 2014

  • High court overturns Raleigh ruling

    An audio recording between a confidential informant and a Beckley attorney accused of selling cocaine will now be allowed into evidence, according to a West Virginia Supreme Court of Appeals ruling.

    April 20, 2014

  • Calendar — Sunday, April 20, 2014

    April 20, 2014

  • State agency announces new WIC income guidelines

    The West Virginia Department of Health and Human Resources Office of Nutrition Services has reported new U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) income eligibility guidelines for the Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants and Children (WIC).

    April 20, 2014

  • mthope Good Friday scene

    April 19, 2014 1 Photo

  • Service workers want voice in choice in Raleigh County Schools superintendent hiring

    The president of the Raleigh County School Service Personnel Association has asked Raleigh County Board of Education members to choose a school superintendent who will hear the concerns of service workers in the school system and involve them in the decision-making process.

    April 19, 2014

  • Two internal candidates will interview for superintendent position Monday

    Two current administrators at Raleigh County Schools will be interviewed for the position of superintendent Monday, Raleigh Board of Education members verified Friday.
    Raleigh Schools Director of Secondary Education Miller Hall and Raleigh Schools Assistant Superintendent David Price were chosen from a pool of six applicants, BOE members said.

    April 19, 2014