The Register-Herald, Beckley, West Virginia

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March 16, 2007

High-maintenance people need tune-ups

Inside Out column

By Bev Davis

I frequently kid a friend of mine about being “high maintenance.” The term has been a catch-all for someone who is fussy, selfish, needy, aggressive and moody.

Although she’s not like that, we both struggle with those issues in our spiritual lives.

“Being high-maintenance is more than an obsession. It’s a state of mind,” according to author Clinton Bland, who wrote in “American Epidemic: High Maintenance Women.”

His book lists several characteristics of the high maintenance woman, but they can apply to both genders.

“Hard to please, never satisfied and highly vocal about her unhappiness,” tops Bland’s list.

A high-maintenance person always has to be the center of attention and can always be counted on to create a lot of drama.

These individuals can’t distinguish between needs and wants and tend to be irrationally demanding, according to Bland’s definitions.

As I read his book, I thought often of small children throwing temper tantrums. Scenes from out-of-control brats on “Super Nanny” kept flashing through my mind.

As I was sharing some of the excerpts with my friend, she quipped, “That’s funny. Those characteristics remind me more of most church members I know.” This minister’s daughter makes no bones about the fact she left church a few years ago because her family was regularly “put through the wringer” by high maintenance church members.

I keep reminding her we all tend to be high maintenance. In fact, my definition of an adult is a child who just got bigger.

Who’s not fussy, self-centered, needy, aggressive or moody on a given day?

These are traits of human nature that we need to battle all the time in order to develop good character and more Christ-likeness.

Lent focuses us on the need to be servants of God and servants of one another. Nothing gets in the way of doing that more than falling into our high maintenance modes.

High-maintenance people take the focus off people who really need our help, our prayers, our encouragement and our attention. When we are high-maintenance, our own needs and wants — which we can’t always readily distinguish — keep us from reaching beyond ourselves as we should.

I’m way more high-maintenance than I should be, and my Lenten journey this year has focused on extinguishing those characteristics.

I don’t ever expect to be rid of them, but there’s no better time of the year to get a spiritual tune-up.

Pray for me. This is one time taking the low road is the right way to go.

— E-mail: bdavis@register-herald.com

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