Published: June 20, 2009 10:43 pm      

If I could choose the ‘perfect dad’

The old saying goes, “You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.” Let’s pretend that I could have had some say-so in choosing my family. What criteria would I have put in place for my father? I suspect that everyone has an opinion on the subject, but here’s mine.

A good father must be present, maybe not always in person, but he should always be available. A good father should have strong moral character and teach his children about faith. A good father should be stern and strict when necessary but should always let the children know they are loved. A good father should teach his children about community and about helping others in need. A good father should set an example of how to treat a spouse and lead by example in all aspects of his life.

That’s quite a bill to fill, but I met such a man once.

This father worked many long hours building his business, but was still home for dinner every night, even if it meant he had to go back to work later in the evening. This father took time to read with his kids, to play games with them and to pray with them at night even though he was exhausted from a long day at work.

If a cashier gave him too much change, this father would give it back and explain to his children that you should always be honest and treat others the way you would like them to treat you. If one of this father’s customers was upset about a service his company provided, he would go out of his way to make sure they were treated fairly.

When neighborhood bullies would pick on one of his children, he would explain the biblical principle of turning the other cheek and explain that bullies were really hurting in ways you couldn’t see. This father did not waver and could not be shaken in his faith. Although he would never try to push his beliefs on others, there was no question where he stood. This father was actively involved in his church and made sure his kids were, too.

This father could be strict, and when his children disobeyed, he would discipline them fairly without hesitation. Even then, there was never a time that his children didn’t know he loved them very much. This father was actively involved in community activities, not for the recognition, but because it was the right thing to do. He would volunteer his time and money freely to help those in need.

This father would send a flower to every widow on his customer list on Mother’s Day each year to let her know somebody was thinking of her. This father would check in on elderly people and shovel snow from neighbors’ sidewalks if they couldn’t do it themselves.

This father loved his wife and cherished the time they had together. If one of his children were to speak disrespectfully to their mother, he would come down on them harshly. He did not yell at his wife and was appreciative of her contributions to the family.

This father knew the importance of family and made sure his children did as well. In all aspects of his life, this father led by example. He taught his kids that while it is necessary for survival, money will not buy you happiness. He showed them that happiness comes from within. While he made a comfortable living, he lived frugally and did not indulge himself in a lot of unnecessary things.

This father knew what it was like to live in hard times. As a first-generation American, he was a young German child living in America during World War II. People can be cruel, and they were to him because of his heritage. Even so, he treated everyone with respect and held no bitterness toward those who persecuted him unduly.

This father was always a fresh, unconventional thinker who didn’t accept things at face value. He was innovative, thoughtful and analytical. He taught his kids to examine, explore and seek out new territory.

This “Leave it to Beaver” idea of a father sounds a little idealistic. I know that most families do not come close in comparison. But I met such a man once, and still know him.

I did not choose the perfect dad. That man, that father, Ralph Diehl, chose me. You see, I am adopted. I could have been adopted by any other family, but divine intervention put me into the Diehl family. While I struggle to be the father that my dad is, I am eternally grateful to have such a role model.

On this Father’s Day, I reflect on my childhood, my life and how lucky and blessed I am to be Ralph Diehl’s son.

— Nick Diehl is a former resident of Beckley now living in Martinsburg.